who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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