I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
