You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
