need another drink. this is the easiest way
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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