she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
