We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
