you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
