You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
