I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Randomize
