I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
