I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
