Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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