I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
