I'm really into asian looking animals
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
