pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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