Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
