You work out of a Hotel?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
