My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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