I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
