as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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