Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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