when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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