he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
