6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
