I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
