The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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