i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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