I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
