You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
im six kinds of drunk right now
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
