I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
