When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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