So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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