The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
honey bunches of taint.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
When did angry sex become our thing?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
