The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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