oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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