Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
