i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Ketchup is God's man juice
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
