what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
