video games are the ultimate cock blocker
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
