i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
and she was petting her beer can
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
