Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Will you blow on my dice?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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