I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
