Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
