hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
