No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Screwed.edu
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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