she looked like the before picture.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
