watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
