just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
