FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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