oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
