i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
