i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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