I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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